Green Cheese, Storks and Cabbage Patches

Way back in 1546 ye olde English playwright and poet John Heywood wrote:

Ye fetch circumquaques to make me believe,
Or thinke, that the moone is made of greene cheese.
And when ye have made me a lout in all these,
It seemeth ye would make me goe to bed at noone.

Back in 1984 a visiting professor from the Dephi Academy in Oregon gave a seminar that I attended.  The very first thing he did was ask the audience for a flash answer.  Not a considered answer, or the answer one thinks is correct, but the answer that immediately pops up in the mind - flash answer.

The question "What is the moon made of?"

Before he asked us our answers he told a story of asking a room full of scientists what the moon was made of and their almost consistent flash answer:

Cheese, green or otherwise.

And that was also my flash answer.

A child's view of his universe is very literal.

I remember when my grandson was about 3 years old and we were all talking about adopting another baby.  He immediately checked my daughter's belly for a baby shape.  We asked him where he had learned that baby's were in mommy's bellies.  Seems his best friend Matthew had told him that because that is what his mommy told him.

This actually baffled my daughter because I never did tell her the euphemisms about babies or any other part of life.  She got the straight dope, even at 3 years old when she first asked me.  She remembers asking and the answer and that she thought for years that it was disgusting and she'd never have a baby.

I often wonder if that decision at that young age when everything is very literal affected her later in life.  She has two children but has never been pregnant.  They are adopted.

But I digress.

In later years, many adults will still say that babies grow in the tummy.  Even though they know that babies grow under cabbage leaves, or are delivered by a stork.  The flash answers very rarely include a uterus.

The green cheese answer is another euphemism that children are told for various reasons by their parents.  I hesitate to say by elementary teachers, but I discovered a few "false datums" in my own search for truth and clarity that did come from teachers.

Euphemism - noun - a mild or indirect word or expression substituted for one considered to be too harsh or blunt when referring to something unpleasant or embarrassing.

So what does this have to do with Keeping Dogs Safe

I recently turn 70 years old.  I'm overweight, diabetic, hypothyroid and just not in very good shape at all. I'm also still working and would dearly love to mostly retire.  I would like to travel the US giving seminars and workshops about aspects of training a dog.

Training dogs is, honestly, a chore these days.  I still love it, I train my pup Dahra as often as I can, but it's not enough.  Mostly what I do is find ways to train her as well as the other service dogs I've trained over the years, but without needing strength, stamina and at this point, a car to do real public access.

So, my earlier story about false data comes into play.

There are as many ways to train a dog as there are dog trainers.  Even when those trainers all go to the same school or read the same books or watch the same videos.  Because of our histories, our limitation like mine, our culture and our biases, even when we train similarly, it's not the same.  And of course false data plays a huge part.  

"Smack your pup with a rolled newspaper to teach him not to potty in the house"
"Throw your keys or a can full of pennies at the dog to teach him not to run away and to come when called"

"Alpha roll your dog"  (this one and some others for those who didn't learn to train dogs until after 2000)

"Be the packleader"

"You can't teach an old dog new tricks" (mostly about humans, but the subconscious doesn't make that distinction, it tends to be very literal).

"If you have a dog that suffers from car sickness (or a child), sit them on newspaper."

"If a dog bites you - bite it back on its ear - it will never do it again!!"

"every bitch should have a litter..... its good for their health"

"tie a dead chicken around the dogs neck to prevent it from killing chickens"

These and a thousand more can stick around and affect how one trains.  Not only that, but because of the different methods of training, new trainers can also develop false data issues.